Direction....

For the past six weeks I have pondered my role as wife, mother, home educator, caregiver and provider. I have for most of our married life been happily unemployed from a traditional job. Years ago after listening to President Gordon B. Hinkley talk in General Conference about families and the importance of having a parent in the home I renewed my previous commitment to stay home and raise our children. Well it has worked quite well for many years, but with a move to a new area and discovering the social push to be a working mom, I caved. I now have three part time jobs. Ugh!  I am unhappy, the children are confused, the home is messy, dinner is inconsistent, shall I go on?

In all less than 10 hours a week is spent at these odd jobs. Originally the idea was just to earn a titch more to cover our basics a bit easier. It seemed harmless. But I am discovering that the actual time spent is much more. Time to get ready, travel time, time to juggle schedules so no one is left out or misplaced. Time to unwind after work, time to reconnect at home and pick up where we left off. Ack, I am tired, cranky and this isn't working for us. So... what to do?

Insanely I actually applied for a full time job. You know maybe one full time job would be easier than three part timers. I prayed and felt strongly to put in for it. People whom I respect felt I should. Then as the hiring process has taken FOREVER, I have felt that something is not right. This is crazy, a 40 hour week job with full time home school of four kiddos, the normal mom job, wife, church callings and maybe some sleep. Wow! I finally made it to an interview. Just minutes before it I prayed and cried and prayed some more. Heavenly Father knows my heart and me. I asked him for the strength and confidence to interview well and the desire to do what His will is. The interview went well, at least I felt much better afterwards. And then the wait. Another week and a phone call is coming. Well guess what it never came and I have moved on after six weeks of this job journey. I am back to enjoying being home, doing the same things I was before. I even have the same three part time jobs and cut back on hours to ease some home stress. We are becoming consistent and that is good.

I know I wanted that job from a worldly stand point. After all I have a degree, some experience and the kiddos are getting old enough to handle mom working outside the home. But it wasn't right for me, for us, right now. In time things will work out and I needed this opportunity to see that what matters most to me is my family and being with them. I can't do that in the way I want to if I am gone for 5 days a week. In no way would I condemn or wish to insult a mother who does work a traditional job. I know plenty that do and they are wonderful women, mothers and wives. I respect them and look up to them as they seem to keep it all together when it must be hard. We all make sacrifices. I just needed to have a six week reminder of what mine was so that I can feel happy knowing I am doing what is best for us now.

What hard decisions have you made that have shaped you?